Categories
depression personal

milestone?

life continues to be meaningless. and yet i continue to live. in times like these, i just have to keep myself busy hoping that the meaningless won’t take over my life. i have to get a new consult for psycho-pharm.  it continues to be difficult to recover from the depression.

Categories
depression personal

since i cannot die

i live because  i cannot die.  well, it’s not entirely true that i cannot die.  i’m sure i could die. it’s just that i don’t want to live.  my depression seems to be getting worse.  the psych medicine i’m on seems to have stopped working.  i have been to the hospital too many times.  it’s […]

Categories
depression personal

solitude

it’s difficult to get time to myself to reflect. but then again reflection might be over-rated. i mean, when you really consider the value in things, sometimes you realize that maybe there isn’t anything there to be found! i am basically living because i cannot die. so what meaning could there be in life? it’s […]

Categories
depression personal religion

final exit

i really think that if i died an early death that jesus would still love me. am i wrong to think so? when this life is so hard, when the pain gets unbearale, i often just want to escape: a final exit. maybe that’s why sleep is so inviting. sleeping allows me to stop life […]

Categories
family loss personal

in memory

i’m sad to say that there has been a death in our extended family.  extended family is family and the sadness is real. it’s weird being alive. i mean, really it is weird being alive. it’s so weird that the living go on living. what can we do but to go on living? the most […]