Categories
depression personal

just for the record!

today is not a good day to die.  i haven’t seen my neices and nephews yet.  i haven’t said bye to all the friends who went home for thanskgiving.  i’m supposed to give someone a ride back from the airport on friday night.  must live until then i think.  wouldn’t you agree? i am however […]

Categories
depression personal

laugh or cry?

sometimes i can’t decide whether i should cry or laugh.  or even to decide whether i want to laugh or cry.  sometimes life presents you with such absurd and unexpected events and circumstances, that you don’t know how to respond. and it’s not so strange now if/when i cry and i’m not in my therapist’s […]

Categories
depression personal

just checking

how un-safe or unstable must a person be to be checked into a hospital i wonder?  last year, i spent thanskgiving in a hospital.  food was good.  i didn’t especially want to spend thanksgiving that way last year and certainly not this year either.  i may not be feeling great but i want to make […]

Categories
depression personal

wishes wishes wishes

i wish i could stay in the air just floating.  i don’t want to feel anything because feelings might be bad and unbearable.  i just want to sleep or somehow be awake without feeling or being aware of feelings.  yes.  yes. as i am alone in the house this week, i plan on sleeping as […]

Categories
depression god personal

sadness is creeping in like a spider under the moonlight

two days ago, as i was driving home with a friend, i told her that i felt like i could cry.  she said, go ahead, cry.  but i couldn’t.  i felt sad.  i felt like i could cry.  but i really couldn’t.  i came home and changed into what i called “moping clothes.”  i crawled […]