it’s strange. in the past few years i have struggled to find the will to live. fighting against myself to stay alive, or fighting against myself to end my life. and somehow i have managed to stay alive despite all the attempts. and today i feel proud of being a part of this country. i don’t have many things in my life that i look forward to, especially when depression gets bad. but today i am looking forward to the next four years! when things are bad, you don’t want things to be the same. change is better than the same when things are bad. when i don’t feel good too often anyway, it sucks that the world around me seems to be going in the wrong direction. but i feel hopeful that things may turn around for this country. and i feel hopeful that things might turn around for me too. maybe there will come a day when i can think about my life, how to live it fully, rather than spending time and energy on how to end it.