depression personal

just for the record!

today is not a good day to die.  i haven’t seen my neices and nephews yet.  i haven’t said bye to all the friends who went home for thanskgiving.  i’m supposed to give someone a ride back from the airport on friday night.  must live until then i think.  wouldn’t you agree?

i am however aware of this lovely opportunity to try beautifully…  all the ingredients are there.  i just have to mix them in my stomach without throwing them back up.  hmmm   for the longest time i would obssess about the grief and trauma that the person who first found me would feel/see/experience.  i don’t worry about that now because i have no idea who is going to visit me before my sister comes back.

so then why do i keep increasing the number of pills which are supposed to help me to sleep?  it’s too bad that i don’t feel like drinking alcohol.  guess i’ll have to face tomorrow, then.

today is a lovely day for cleaning out all the sleeping pills that are on top of my dresser.  yes.  yes.  can’t see them anymore.  they are no longer reminding me that i could take them.  i need not be tempted, because i have taken them.

i have been told that i have an amazing tolerance for drugs.  i think it’s true.  i seem to be able to take in huge dosages of medicine before they come into therapeutic range.

i think i’m going to sleep in tomorrow.  so no one call me before noon!  later in the day would be even more appreciated, of course.  happy thurkey-day friends!

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