depression personal

need to, want to dissociate!

oh my, i feel trapped in my body.  every which way i turn or try to adjust my body, it still feels strange.  last wednesday my new psychopharm prescribed for  me a new medicine that would help with anxiety and crazy stress induced rash/itch all over my body.  i already took some and guess i either need more of it or the medicine isn’t able to help me feel better.  at times like this, i almost wish someone would just punch me really hard and knock me out so i wouldn’t be conscious, at least until this madness ends.  i think a person could be driven to go over the edge and just lose it if it isn’t possible to end feelings/pain that makes being awake/conscious so unbearable.

as a coping mechanism, some peo dissociate when the stress they are under is too much for them to endure.  somehow, when you dissociate, you manage to detach yourself (conscious mind) from your physical body so that whatever kind of trauma the body is experiencing is blocked out or cut off from the conscious mind.  in its extreme case, people say that they can see their body from outside of their body, like from the point of view of someone sitting in the corner of the room near the ceiling.  i don’t dissociate to the point where i can see myself as my body is floating in the air.  sometimes i do dissociate where i am here but not here.  like i look like i’m fine and staying still.  but data from the outside world stops registering in my consciousness.  i suppose i might be registering the data without being aware of them as something i am experiencing.  people don’t dossociate at will.  it’s more like the conscious mind is put to rest (kind of like put to sleep)  so that even though one can’t escape the situation, the concious mind is protected while the body is going through what ever situation that might be too difficult for the person to go through.

and right now i feel like i’m in a state where i need to dissociate but is unable to do so.

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