up until a year ago, for as long as i could remember, i wished i was not as healthy as i was. living into old age just meant more time of suffering which i didn’t think i could bear. but now that i am happy and actually like living, i’m facing all kinds of health issues! it turns out i’m not as healthy as i thought i was. aside from chronic depression which needs to be constantly monitored, i have few different serious medical conditions for which doctors are concerned about. when i didn’t want to live i was too healthy. now that i want to live i’m not healthy enough. i felt something like this could happen, just didn’t think it would happen so soon after i started feeling good about life. 😦
just wondering, God, do you want me to live out my life or not???