back in january, my doctor told me i was pre-diabetic. but couple days ago when i saw him, he dropped the word “pre” all together. if i hadn’t lost weight, i would have full-blown diabetes. for now, medicine and diet are doing the job of keeping diabetes from becoming full-blown, whatever that means. actually, i do know what full-blown diabetes would mean: it would mean daily insulin injections and constant monitoring of blood-sugar level around meal times. i am glad he didn’t say bluntly that i was diabetic back in january. he made it sound like i’m just at risk and not that i was already there. that motivated me to exercise and change my diet so i could lose weight. and because i lost enough weight and am continuing to lose weight, it’s possible at this point for medicine and diet to keep things under control.

i was feeling today already like life takes so much energy and i am not always sure for what purpose. and after thinking about how the doctor just dropped the word “pre” before diabetes, i feel even more like life is taking up so much energy. food i eat could be toxic to my system if i don’t watch what i eat. i have to exercise other wise my diabetes would become unmanageable. my blood pressure has been low enough that i feel dizzy when i get up sometimes. i guess there are plenty of things to feel down about if i focus on those things. i can’t just pretend life is peachy. i guess i have to also think about good things in life without dismissing harder things in life. it is what it is. but i’m not saying i like what it is…

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