I had a meltdown two days ago. I was so discouraged that I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t read. That meant that I couldn’t get any school work done. Reading week was coming to an end and I had lots more work left to finish.
Somehow, with help of my boyfriend, I got through the moment. I calmed down. I talked to my therapist. I had dinner with a friend. I went to Bible Study. And the next day, well it wasn’t back to normal. I was having trouble reading but not as badly as the day before. I tried over and over again to read and to just get through some of the material. Thanks be to God that for me, reading material has a lot to do with my faith since I’m studying theology. I read about Jesus, how Jesus saves, how Jesus liberates. But it was still a hard day.
And I watched service online last night. and did some more reading, then went to bed. This morning, I’m reading the lectionary, the Bible reading for today set by the church. and totally encourage and struck by the passage in Philippians 3:14
“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14)
We’re not there, wherever there is. I’m not there yet, where God wants me to be and has plans for me to be. So I will press on toward the goal of eternal life, of salvation promised eternally with God, resurrection of the dead, and redemption from everything that brings my spirit down. I’m reading today about why it is that if Jesus conquered death, if Jesus died for us, why does sin still have a hold on us? I think that’s one of the things I’ll try to figure out today. Because I have faith, I believe in my salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. But I still have moments of utter despair…and in those moments, I need voices and reminders of those who know and love me to hold on to me until I come out of the darkness.
Oh my Lord, my soul rejoices in you this morning, to be alive, to have a chance to press on toward the goal, for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus. Thank you God.