I’m not going to lie. Past 24-48 hrs didn’t feel great. Tomorrow until about mid October, I have 2 conferences to present short papers in, a week long seminar/workshop and preaching once. Well, maybe that isn’t so bad. But yesterday morning until now, it felt like an insurmountable amount of overwhelming tasks before me. But a practical stranger, someone I have not really met, but has seen a picture in which I have a radiant smile on my face, reminded me to keep smiling today because my smile shows God’s love in me. I’m like, wa, wa, wa, what?
So I decided to put on my happy face today and be happy today. I don’t know how to do this. I am going to start by smiling and to keep smiling as much as I can throughout the day today. And I am going to start by being thankful for things that are going well and things that I appreciate in my life. And I am going to also think positive and good thoughts today. So yes, today is and will be a happy day, because I put on my happy face!
Monday mornings are the hardest! Trying to get a sense of what I need to do this week and trying to be productive, as in get something done. After getting a sense of what I need to do, I feel overwhelmed. Of course, now I can’t concentrate and it’s become hard to get anything accomplished! Anyone else have similar struggles with Monday mornings, especially for people who are working at home? Maybe a solution is getting out of the house, one might say. But been trying to do that but hard to do that this morning! Monday mornings are the hardest!
I’m not an expert meditation and I’m not a regular practitioner of meditation. But this meditation works for me because it is only 7 minutes long, it uses imagery of organizing a desk to declutter your mind (which works for me because I’m usually sitting AT MY DESK!), and guides you to organize or cut out clutter that you don’t need on your desk, I mean, your life!
No one wants to listen to someone expressing self-pity. I was told yesterday, stop this self-pity. That’s probably what promoted me to come to my blog site this morning. I have thoughts, feelings, and want to express them. No one wants to hear them, no one I can think of. But maybe there are some people who don’t mind hearing self-pity because they understand that it’s natural sometimes to feel self-pity and that it’s not necessarily a permanent disposition! I feel enormous expectations, stress, and fear of failure and self doubt. Sometimes I feel confident, but sometimes I feel bankrupt of any confidence.
I am a person of faith. And yes, my faith makes a difference in my life. But you know, when I’m drowning and feel overwhelmed with emotions that are threatening to consume my sanity, it’s hard to turn to God. But it is precisely in these moments that God, if ever, could help me. So many oxymorons in life. In the moments when I need God, are exactly moments when I feel I can’t turn to God or forget that I have a God who cares about me!
So I write for myself, on this blog, hoping someone would read these words, but also that as I write them that I would hear the sound of my voice crying in the wilderness, and that hearing my words, would remind me of who I am. Even when I feel utterly alone, yes, remember who I am. That I am a child of God!!!
I think maybe at times people take life too seriously. You win some, you lose some…that’s what is helping me keep things in perspective. Otherwise it can become difficult to breathe!